An untrue hearing at Supreme Court of India- A work of Fiction

Hello, dear readers, it’s me, your favourite blogger back with another amazing script!! You see one day, yours truly and group of select friends( excluding one or two annoying ones) were fuming at the current status quo and were busy trying to figure out a way to channel our anger into a constructive activity( as advised by all yoga instructors). This drama is the outcome of that anger.

So sit back & enjoy, one of the Greatest satirical hits ever written,

Vodka, a Rap Song & Arnab


(CJI frozen with paper & coffee mug, Arnab sits on a chair with phone, KK stands next to a chair looking bored. CJI unfreezes)
CJI: (Reads paper. Sips coffee. SHOCK! Spits coffee out of his mouth, Freezes)
ARNAB: (Unfreezes. Scrolls through phone. SHOCK!) Sita wants to know, Preetha wants to know. Whyyyy?!?!
KK: (Unfreezes) Arrey yaar! Nothing nice on TV these days( scrolls through some channels, gets terrified on seeing Baba Ramdev). Ah! Baba Ramdev. Ooh Republic (SHOCK!) (Phone rings) Yeah, I saw. Now? Ok bye. (Runs out. Slips, falls down, comes back for her coat)


(KK sitting. Yawning. Noor bursts in)
NOOR: Nooo!! Why me! Why me?!!                                                                                                    ( KK evil chuckle)


(Mallaya getting down from a plane. Arnab ready to attack.)                                   MALLAYA: (Gets down) Hi, I’m back!
ARNAB: (Attacks Mallaya) Sir. Sir. The nation wants to know how-
MALLAYA: (Shows palm. Wears sunglasses, show the go sign & walks out)
ARNAB: That was India’s most wanted ,Vijay Mallaya, God of debt, Celebrator of birthdays, Taker of loans who was arrested in a CBI raid. He will now be tried in what many are calling the trial of the century which will be presided over by the Chief Justice of India-Abhay Jain. Representing the prosecution is the Attorney General Kalarkayi “KK” Singh. On the defence we have India’s most infamous criminal justice lawyer Noor Ibsrahim. India wants to know what the fate will be of this man. #Mallaya is back.


(Court Scene-KK, Noor and Mallaya sitting. Arnab moves towards KK)
ARNAB: Madam! Madam! Are you feeling overconfident because of the fact that entire nation stands with you? The nation wants to know.
KK: No comment!
ARNAB: Madam! Madam! You must tell us. I am Arnab, not Rahul Gandhi! Don’t leave me unanswered because the nation wants to know… (KK points a threating finger at Arnab. Arnab retreats in fear) The Attorney General just shooed me away like a dog on the street. India wants to know when she will start anger management class! (turns to Noor)Ms. Noor, this is the hardest case of your career. Are you afraid of the fact that you’ll be mobbed if you walk out on the & streets?
NOOR: I’m sorry but everyone deserves the right to a fair trial. Even if they are the happiest of poodles to the saddest of Mallayas!
ARNAB: So, touching! (wipes tears) So touching. Thank you, madam! (goes and sits in the press area)
ANNOUNCER:ALL RISE FOR THE CHIEF JUSTICE OF INDIA. (All stand. CJI walks in looking into his google pixel 2 XL, trying to download the constitution of India app & distractedly motions for them to sit. Everyone begins chatter while the CJI absentmindedly bangs his mallet)
CJI: Order, Order, (finally looks up, sees that everyone is distracted, gets angry and repeats twice) Order I say, is this a court or a fish market? For 1 minute, I turned my back to check my WhatsApp status and this is what I come back to? Disgraceful. (calms himself) Now, Case no. 126- State vs. Vijay, I mean Mallaya may proceed. The Prosecution may present its case.
KK: Your honour, we the prosecution believe that Mr Mallaya is guilty for he knew that he was in debt and yet he threw a lavish 3-day party for his 60th birthday. We charge him on the grounds of money laundering, ill-treatment of his employees, defiance of International Court Orders and violation of Right against Exploitation. To prove my case, I have a petition signed by over 30,000 Kingfisher employees and another petition signed by 10,00,000 citizens. If you let this man go, then you’ll go against the very bedrock of the institution of democracy, in fact you’ll jeopardize this great organisation’s integrity for not abiding by the principle of ‘for the ppl, by the ppl and of the ppl’. Please don’t become a mixture of foolishness to this OPS of greed. With this I rest my case

CJI: Thank you, prosecution, now the defence may present its case.
NOOR: Your honour. 1. My client is the owner of Kingfisher Pvt Ltd which specializes in making alcohol. Therefore, he very generously samples all the bottles. You can’t blame him for his actions when he wasn’t sober! 2. People very kindly gave him money. He was bankrupt. They were giving a supply for his demand. 3. UK’s high court didn’t convict him. They let him free. 4. Our naïve Indian banks lent him money. They had no safety measures. They didn’t ask him to return it. They didn’t pressurise him. They just printed newspaper articles. This is like asking a mailman to deliver a vada! To conclude my opening statement, my client was inexperienced and had no assistance or guidance. So, he mustn’t be convicted for a mistake he didn’t commit.
CJI: The court now orders the accused, Mr Vijay Mallaya to take the stand to be cross examined.
(Mallaya walks in style. Swears on Gita and winks)
KK: Mr Mallaya, you were in debt yet somehow you managed to throw a 3-day party. We demand to know where you procured the money from.
MALLAYA: (Blinks. Breathes in heavily.) You see my aunt’s brothers’ father’s daughter’s father’s grandson’s fiancée’s lover got into helicopter scam, topper scam, Bihar scam, TV scam, murder scam, Mallaya scam-
NOOR: I object my lord. My client isn’t sober! (Objection denied says CJI)
MALLAYA: Don’t worry Ms Noor. Lawyer scam, Bofors scam, bank scam, sandwich (yawns) That’s how I got money.
KK: Ok, that made as much sense as Mallaya himself! Q2, Mr Mallaya, how did you manage to get money from the banks?
NOOR: Objection my lord, the prosecution is trying to lead the witness into spilling details that aren’t relevant to the case.
CJI: Objection sustained.
KK: The prosecution requires these details to prevent further misuse by Mr Mallaya and others like him. So, what do you say, Mr Mallaya?
MALLAYA: First, I bribed the bankers for the loans, then the executives, a dog, killed 3 men in a boat, pushed humpty dumpty, made him into an omelette and bribed the media.
(All this time, Arnab had been blabbering into his mike, but once the interrogation had started, his voice started to get louder & started to annoy the CJI)
ARNAB: (Unable to contain himself, shouts) Except me India, for I am a pure vegetarian!
CJI: (Very angrily) Mr Arnab, the nation wants to know when you’ll shut up! (Sighs angrily) We now request the defence to interrogate the accused.
NOOR: Mr Mallaya, are you sober?!?
MALLAYA: What is sober?
NOOR: (Sighs) Did you sample the Kingfisher beer again?! (Slaps forehead)
MALLAYA: Yeah, they tasted good!
NOOR: Your honour, once again my client is drunk, look your honour (waves in front of Mallaya). (No response!) So, the words he says cannot be taken as gospel.
MALLAYA: Golf ball aah?
CJI: (Gets Mad) Ms Noor, if you cannot control your client, then why did you bring hem here? You are reducing the sanctity of this institution.
NOOR: I apologise your honour. No more questions. The defence rests.
CJI: The court will present its verdict in 30 min. Until then, we are in recess. Court is adjourned.
(MALLAYA: 30 minutes later. )

Scene- 5

(KK is pacing down the hall, Arnab is blabbering into his mike, Noor is flipping through several books, Mallaya is asleep)
ANNOUNCER:THE COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. (Noor slaps Mallaya. He wakes up)
CJI: Now both sides may present their closing statements.
NOOR: Your honour, the fact that my client was able to bribe the banks says a lot about the system. So instead of catching this small, drunk, insignificant imbecile-
CJI: Watch your language.
NOOR: We request the ones who were bribed to be put on trial and my client declared innocent. He should also be paid compensation by the Govt. for troubling him like this. With this I rest my case.
KK: (starts rapping)After much consultation, we have come to a conclusion. Don’t let this man outside, he has soiled our nation’s pride like a glass of blender’s pride. He isn’t only guilty of exploiting his employees, he has infringed on the right to Constitutional Remedy (Everyone gasps, CJI begins to take down notes very quickly). The heart and soul of our constitution has been broken down by his consternation. Don’t let this man walk out free, he has violated the soul of the country. If you let him out, bankruptcy we will face, with this statement I rest my case.

(KK sits down and CJI clears his throat )
CJI: This has been a very unusual case. We have had a drunk man, a man with a mike who can be heard even when he’s on mute (looks at Arnab) and a rap song (Now at KK). In all my 1 year as CJI, this is the weirdest yet somehow the best case I’ve ever seen. It has been very difficult to come to a decision but somehow, I have. The Supreme Court hereby finds the accused- Mr Mallaya…GUILTY and sentences him to triple life imprisonment on the grounds on money laundering, exploitation and violation of the right to constitutional remedy. It also orders that all his possessions to be sold to the highest bidder in a state held auction. The proceeds will go to reimburse the banks. The court also orders the Central Govt. to completely overhaul the entire banking system with strict safety & mitigation measures in place. The Govt. must also prevent criminals from being able to leave the country like Mr Mallaya did. Court is adjourned. (As the crowd rejoices, Arnab and KK try to make the extremely drunk Mallaya understand that he’s headed to jail and not to Park Hyatt for a six- pack)

Introducing the cast-

Arnab was played by the hilarious P.Vikraman who sent our class into peals of laughter with his amazing acting. The uptight Noor Ibsrahim was played by Diya Nandakumar, an athlete par excellence who turned out be quite the actor in the end. The comical Mallaya was initially played by Abhishek Barathan  who later dropped out at the last minute and sent us scrambling to find a replacement. That replacement came in the form of Sri Vishodhan , who despite being drafted at the last second, actually did an impressive job. The co-author of this play and the actor who played the no-nonsense ‘KK’ Singh was my extremely kooky and rap-song obsessed cousin, Smruthi Pradeep . Then there’s me, your awesome blogger who played, you guessed it, THE CJI OF INDIA with such skill, I was hailed as the next Gary Oldman(just kidding 😉 )

Hope you enjoyed this play and are excited for more. Until next time, fare thee well.


Disclaimer: I have full respect to Supreme Court of India and to all offices under our constitution. The above article is a piece of imagination. My intention was to have fun and not to hurt anyone’s reputation or sentiments. Hope everyone can read and laugh at this.


The Science of Stars

We understand the spoken word if we know the language. We understand the silent gestures if we know the mind of the person making the gestures. In the days of yore, the art of communicating ideas through signs was considered a special science & some pundits even did MBA’s on this art form ;). It was called mudra shastra. However, after centuries of improper usage & mismanagement, it fell into disuse & was almost lost to the ages. But as with several other practices, this science witnessed a renaissance as the Legendary Hippie movement swept through the world. But the scale of its comeback was unprecedented. Now mudra shastra is practiced in over 192 countries & of these countries, over 140 attend the GMSE (The Global mudra Shastra expo)  which is conducted over 2 months every year. This year’s fest is set in the birthplace of Mudra shastra – India.

This was the message inscribed in the millions of pamphlets that the eager volunteers of the 40th GSME distributed in the busy streets of the nation’s capital, Delhi.  But all was not well in the tent of the Indian team. Their leader, the illustrious Badai Lama, had suddenly pulled out due to a heart condition!! This sent the entire Indian team into a full-blown panic attack! To make matters worse, he was supposed to go up against the world no.1 Kosuke, who was said to be so brilliant, it was rumoured that he could defeat his opponents with the mere shift of his gaze, in the final of the century!!

Everyone was worried & were perplexed as to what to do. At last, one rather astute pundit suggested “Try as we may, we can’t face Kosuke in debate & win. So let’s try to defeat him with strategy. We have to send a shrewd strategist from our team. Who knows, by his tactics, our man may even win the debate.” The contingent rallied behind the suggestion & soon began to search for their secret weapon. Soon a list of hopefuls was drawn up & strenuous interviews were conducted to weed out the amateurs or cheats.

After intense discussions, they finally chose their cook, Ahmed! The day of the final dawned & electricity filled the air. Furtive preparations were made to accommodate the over 60,000 spectators & set up the live stream in order to cater to the over 3.5 billion people tuning in to watch this most spectacular of contests.

Ahmed, clad in a flowing kurta-pyjama entered the arena to thunderous applause, while Kosuke wore his traditional kimono & was received by silent awe. The two pundits sat face-to-face  & commenced with the discussion. The two contingents & the spectators eagerly looked on.

Kosuke raised his hand & showed one finger. Ahmed was a one-eyed man. He stared hard & slowly raised his hand & showed two fingers. There was an appreciative smile on Kosuke‘s face. He then raised his hand again & showed three fingers. Ahmed didn’t hesitate this time. He closed all his fingers & showed his fist.

Kosuke immediately rose & bowed to Ahmed in great respect. He then proceeded to loudly acclaim Ahmed’s wisdom & scholarship. The entire audience, let alone the judges were astounded. They couldn’t follow anything.

The judges rose & requested Kosuke to explain his words. Kosuke was still in ecstasy. He again extolled praises of the great wisdom of the Indian delegate & said “Ah, what a pundit! I have never seen such an expert in the science, nor such a philosopher.

First of all, I showed 1 finger to say that the mind is the seat of knowledge. Your pundit replied with 2 fingers indicating that the body & mind together can only use this knowledge. I then said with my 3 fingers that without the soul, the mind doesn’t have access to this knowledge, thus making the body useless. The wise pundit closed all his fingers & showed his fist, thus pointing that all three can’t survive without each other. Ah, great indeed, is his wisdom!

The judges unanimously decided to award the victory to the Indian Team, who promptly burst into celebrations!!! The crowd also went wild as India had not won the competition in over 28 years! Soon after the revelry & festivities had died down, the Indian team gathered around Ahmed to hear his side of the story. Ahmed took a deep breath & began his explanation.

My dear Sirs, Kosuke was very rude & insulting, but actually he was a coward. First, he raised 1 finger, mocking me for having only one eye. I crisply retorted with 2 fingers that my one eye was much better than his 2 eyes. But he didn’t stop at this. He again insulted me, showing three fingers to point out that together ours were 3 eyes. I really got angry at his rudeness & showed my fist, indicating that I would break his nose if he further insulted me. Then the coward was afraid & fell at my feet”.

The entire team split their sides with laughter over this. They realized their good fortune in getting such a person for their debate!

#Footnote: Above is a fictitious story, there was no GMSE 🙂 

The different ways we say “Hello”

Hey guys, it’s me your favourite blogger!! I For the past 2 weeks, but I had exams & just couldn’t find the time :(. But now I’m back & I’ve got one amazing post to share with you!!

Do you know why we say the word “hello?” when we answer a call?

Well, we can thank Alexander Graham Bell‘s  & Thomas Alva Edison’s rivalry for that ( I know what you’re thinking, wasn’t Nikola Tesla , Edison’s arch nemesis? Well he was but I guess Edison had a bone to pick with almost every single genius of his time) Bell, the inventor of the telephone felt that the traditional greeting should be “Ahoy!” while Edison championed the usage of the word ” Hello” which was at that time, the equivalent of saying LOL. Due to the rise of phonebooks, which often mentioned Hello as the official word, it soon caught on & the rest as they say, is history . But there’s something even more fascinating than this. Now, the question arises ” What can possibly be more interesting than a grumpy old Edison?” Well the fact that that isn’t the only way we say hello!

Now you’re probably scratching your head wondering ” Hello is Hello! How can it be different?” Well then you’re probably going to get the shock of your life There are over 198 countries in this world & each one & every one of them have an unique way of saying “Hello!” Now I can’t cover all of them at one go but what I can do is give you a glimpse into this crazy reality.

  1. Mongolia- In Mongolia, when two people greet one another during a ceremony, festival or other special occasion, they will offer their snuff bottles in the upturned palm of the right hand, with the lid partially opened. Snuff is a scented, smokeless tobacco made from ground up tobacco leaves. The person receiving the snuff bottle will take out a pinch of snuff by using the small spoon which is attached to the lid. They then place the pinch of tobacco on the back of their hand before “snuffing” it up their nose. Even if you don’t want to sniff any snuff that day, it’s respectful to hold the bottle close to your nose, to smell the fragrance before passing it back. Snuff bottles are always given and received with the right hand.

2.India- My homeland is home to so many different greeting styles that I’ve simply lost count! Now many people think that the quintessential greeting here in India is “Namaste”. Now while the folding of hands & bowing of head is generally widespread, the word used while greeting differs from state to state & even city to city! Now since I live in Tamil Nadu, our word of choice is “Vanakkam”. So the next time you visit India, please do find out what the traditional greeting word used in that region, believe me when I say, it will open doors for you!

3. Middle East-Emirati men greet each other by rubbing their noses! So drop the stereotype that only red Indians do this people! Emirati men, in fact, greet each other by rubbing their noses!  Apparently, this is a traditional Bedoiun greeting and rubbing noses is a sign of deep respect.

4.China- Bowing is to show a sign of respect. By lowering your head below the person you are bowing to, you are showing that they are of higher standing than you are. Traditionally, people would greet each other by putting together the palm of their left hand with the fist of their right hand and say hello. This is also a thing of the past, but some Chinese would still do it on special occasions to bring back the atmosphere.

So as you can see , the different ways we greet each other are as diverse & unique as we are ! Hope you enjoyed this post & are eager for more! Until next time, farewell!


The World Cup is here !!

Hey guys, what’s up! Today’s post centres around a historic event that’s taking place in my homeland, India. No, it’s not another Demonetization nor is it Baahubali 3, it’s the FIFA U-17  World Cup !! You’re probably wondering “What’s the big deal? It’s just U-17!There’s no CR7 Claw, The Flea isn’t racing around, Zlatan isn’t saying “Hail Zlatan” & Rooney isn’t showing the fist.” Well, need I remind you that every single one of them broke into their national teams through this iconic tournament at some point in time & today they are national, nay global sensations! Even the Saviour of England, Marcus Rashford & Kylian Mbappe, the dude who broke the transfer market both went through this tournament barely a few years ago!

But this post is not about how this tournament helped these icons find their spark, no it’s about how it’s lighting the football fever in India! True, tournaments like ISL & Pro Kabaddi league are revolutionizing the sporting landscape of India, But they still weren’t anywhere near the glamour & allure of the IPL. Indian football needed a silver bullet, an event so grand, that Football would take over the minds of everyone. And they got what they wished for & so much more.

Sure the Indian team did crash out of the tournament, but not before lighting hope in the hearts of every Indian football fan. You’re probably asking me”why are you celebrating the fact that your national team lost all three of its matches & scored only 1 goal?” Well on paper, India’s performance seems pathetic, but if you look closely, the Indian team played fantastically – considering the fact that this was India’s first FIFA related event! Not only did the performance of certain players impress Indians, they are now turning heads in the West as well, one Indian player’s signature is being sought out by both MLS & Seria A teams!

And you know why I’m even happier? ISL clubs & it’s players will be included the FIFA 18! No longer will Sunil Chetri be a free agent from an unknown country, he’ll be placed on the same pedestal as Robben! All this is a great achievement, not just for the Indian Football, but for the Indian sporting fraternity as well, as it shows the evolution of India from “Cricket Only” to “The Melting Pot of Sports”. And more good news is on the way, even as we speak, India is lobbying for the rights to host U-20 World Cup as well!

Sure, there is a long way to go, but finally, after decades of sweat & toil, the world of Indian Sports is coming into its own.

The Man with the Plan

Mobile phone is no longer a mere accessory, but an office in our pocket” were the words in reply to a question on how mobile technology has changed our lives.

But what about IT (Software), what is its future?” asked one of the tech guy.

IT alone cannot help shape the world, it should and will bond with biotechnology and nanotechnology to form an unified form of technology that will create wonders that we have not even begun to imagine” came the reply.

The manager began to scribble down furiously, he knew this was good stuff. The five assembled in the room other than myself were notably impressed, but this was to be expected, for what else will you expect when in a private meeting with a world famous Indian. But they weren’t gonna give up and neither was I.

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Why I like IPL?

Good evening everybody, today it’s about one of the most popular and dramatic tournament ever recorded in the never ending history of cricket, it’s the IPL, man!!!!!!!

Now everybody knows about the IPL (Indian Premier League), I mean, who doesn’t know about this explosion of cricket. IPL is a very young tournament, it’s only five and a half years old, it’s sixth edition is still on the run, yet it’s so amazing! But what’s it’s secret? You may ask? Actually, there’s no secret! What!  No, it’s impossible! It’s astounding! I don’t believe it! That’s what you’ll be thinking. But, it’s true and you have to believe. If you look deep into the heart of IPL, you’ll find out why it’s such huge success. I have done some research and I’ll tell the reason.

The reason is, wait for it, wait for it, the reason is talent, opportunity, class, experience, fun and lot’s more.

A photo of a match between Chennai SuperKings ...

A photo of a match between Chennai SuperKings and Kolkata Knightriders during the DLF IPL T20 tournament (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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